chicken noodle is the best

There's also a really coked-up puppy.

My job is so freaking unbelievable. I’ll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with :

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but fuuuuuuck is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in the heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the freaking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I’m sure after work. He probably hasn’t been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he’s 22. He dresses like a beatnick throwback from the 1960′s, and to make things worse, he brings his enormous dog to work. Every freaking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it’s trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every single day.

Anyway, I drive these fuck-tards around in my van and we solve mysteries and stuff.

X-men: First Class

“X-Men: First Class:” No. Not going to happen this time. I shelled out money for both “X-Men 3″ and “Wolverine,” and you know what? I’m done. Fool me once, you can’t get fooled again or something like that. I don’t care who’s in it, or who directed it…what? The guy who did “Kick Ass?” Damn it. Here. Here’s my wallet, Marvel. Just take it.

BTW science is a verb now

Hey! You're awesome, So maybe if I rub you on my face i'll live forever!

how to build a flame thrower

Building a Flamethrower:
Step 1: DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME.
You're doing it anyways? *sigh* All right...
Step 2:Trust the internet to teach you how to build something that will just as likely explode as shoot flames.
Step 3:Build a fucking flamethrower.

More details to come...

VlogBrothers

I have decided to go back and watch all of the vlogbrothers videos. A pilgrimage, if you will.

BTW

I will also take Hank Greens Annual survey.

1-6: the same as always, you already know the answers.

Q7: how long have you known hank and Katherin?

A7:I have known (of) Hank since October, 2011, and Katherine for the hour-and a half i've been watching the original Brotherhood 2.0 videos.

Q8:What do you Want from us?

A8: just enough to get by

Q9-11:What are you doing? How Much longer will you be doing it? Why?

A9-11: Writing a book. Until its done. It make me feel less insignificant

Q12:What do you want to be doing?

A12:Getting A's in at least half my classes next year

Q13:What is next in your life?

A13:two years of high school and then college

Q14: How are you doing?

A14:Very well, thanks for asking

Q15: what is the best book you read this year?

A15:A Game of Thrones by George Martin

Q16:Describe a perfect day.

A16:Wake up at 8:00 after long nights sleep, Write at least 100 words, go to a movie with a friend, go on a walk, Play a video game, go on the internet, then go to bed.

Q17:Assuming that all thing come to an end, how will humans go extinct?

A17:Nuclear war

Q18:How do you feel about having kids?

A18: i love kids but i dont have any money

Q19a:Ask an answer your own question.

Q19b: WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?

A19a: I DON'T HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO TALK TO WOMEN IN PUBLIC.

Q20:What does ambrozzo taste like?

A20: Hopes and Dreams

Q21:If you were a Cliche, what Cliche would you be?

A21:

Q22: What is your least favorite part of any given day?

A22: Writers block.

Q23: Do you enjoy Science fiction?

A23: Yes, very much

Q24:Cheese or Chocolate?

A24: Chocolate.

Q25:What was your first concert?

A25: one of my friends brothers' band, "My Lady 4"

Q26:Where would you live if you could live any where?

A26: On a Greek beach.

Q27: Invisibility or time travel?

A27: Time Travel

Q28:If you could start a business that would be instantly successful, what would it be?

A28: "THIS COMPANY CURES CANCER, ltd."

Q29: What is wrong with the world?

A29: Money.

Excerpt

Sam Decker opened his eyes to see two men in their early thirties staring down at him.

“Welcome back to the universe, Mister Decker.” Said the one on the left.

All Decker could do was lay there for a minute until he could begin to form words. “Who are you? Where am I?” he said with a slight slur as he tried to sit up.

“Don’t worry; You’re right where you have been for a thousand years, safe on earth, in the MIT cryotechnology lab. We’re the lab technicians. My name is Greg Whitford (PhD), and this is my assistant, David Wayne.”

Decker just sat there for a moment, dazed. Then a look of satisfaction came across his face. “A thousand years. That’s amazing. How much has changed since then? What were the major wars? Who were the important people? Who were the economic superpowers? Who were the important military superpowers? What were the great technological innovations? What happened to the United States of America?”

“Slow down, you’ll learn everything you need to know soon. You will have plenty of time to look up what you want to know. And, to get you comfortable with the technology and culture of modern society, we will provide you with someone familiar with the late twenty-fifth century.”

“What, a historian?

“I suppose you could call him that. But first, we need to get you some comfortable clothes, your preserved affects, and your pre-arranged housing details.”

Looking down, Decker noticed that he was, in fact, wearing only a paper-thin medical gown. “That would be nice,” he replied. While he waited for them to get the clothes, he looked around the poorly lit room. The stainless steel table he had been sitting on was one of twelve placed along the walls perpendicular to a wall with a large door. On each of the other tables lay a human figure, and on the wall above each the tables was a glowing rectangle displaying the vitals of the person it belonged to. On the wall opposite the door was a row of glass cabinets full of various medical devices he couldn’t begin to recognize.

Then Decker suddenly realized how cold it was in the room. It was easily below freezing, and possibly below zero, but he couldn’t tell. He glanced back at the display for his table to see if it had the temperature, but it was blank except for the MIT logo. He opened his mouth to ask the lab technicians, but they had both left the room. A slightly computerized female voice spoke to him.

“Hello Mister Decker.”

It startled him, not because he didn’t expect it, but because it came from right in front of him.

“I apologize if I have startled you, Mister Decker. Let me introduce myself. My name is Eve, and I am the MIT campus AI.”

“What do you do?” Decker asked out loud.

“I function primarily as the university activities director, but I also work with the students directly in most departments to enrich the student learning experience as well as my knowledge of human culture.”

“Do you work with the history department?”

“Yes. I often work one-on-one with students to assist with essays.”

“What can you tell me about human history in the last one thousand years?”

“I have already prepared a list of scientifically and culturally significant Headlines from the last one thousand years. Shall I read them to you now?”

“That sounds nice.”

“August 27^th,2507: The secret to indefinite longevity discovered by Hans DeWitt ; July 12^th, 2594: United Nations passes plans for inter-solar starship expedition to Alpha-Centari; September 30^th, 2615: SS Minerva christened by President Francis, departure set for next year; May 2^nd, 2616: SS Minerva departure delayed by terrorist bomb threats; May 5^th, 2616 …” Then Eve fell silent quickly.

“Here you go, mister Decker,” Dave said, entering the room. “Here are your clothes,” he said as he handed Decker a pair of sweatpants, a shirt, and a pair of sandals.

“Can we go somewhere warmer?” Decker asked.

“What? Oh, yeah. I forgot how cold it is in here. There’s a heated room down the hallway. Go left out the door and it’s the second room on the right. I’ll be with you in a minute.”

Decker went to the room, which was kept at a very comfortable 70 degrees Fahrenheit, as indicated by the thermostat next to the door. Decker got dressed and sat down on a sofa against the wall next to the door and waited for someone to come and give him something to do.

After a minute or two, Greg came in with what looked like a manila envelope. “Here are your housing arrangements.”

Decker took the envelope and opened it. Inside, there were a number of letters and a pamphlet for a housing development in a New York suburb.

“We still use paper?” Decker remarked.

“We’ve always used paper. It’s cheap and recyclable. Besides, silicon is a lot rarer than it used to be, and we export most of what we have off-world. In fact, except for Summer – you don’t know about Summer, it’s all sand on the surface, low population, it’s barely livable – there are barely any silicate based planets. Don’t get me wrong, we get a lot of useful exports from the rest, like hydrogen fuel, industrial grade diamonds, and water, but silicon is the stuff of an efficient society.”

“I thought you were a doctor. Why do you know all this?”

“I minored in Intersolar Economics. One of the best decisions I’ve ever made, if I say so myself.”